So, I’ve been dating, well actually I am in a relationship with a man long distance for the past 4 and half months and we’ve had about four or five trips now to see each other, and I feel quite confident that this is the man for me. When it comes to sharing the news with close ones, or even going one step further, introducing him to friends or family, there is always this doubt that what if I introduce him to my friends and then we break up! I will look like a fool, what would they think of me and you probably don’t want to come across as flaky or too emotionally naive, introducing too many different people over a short period of time…

I guess the main question here is how much does their opinion matter to you and how much you trust yourself in knowing that at that moment that is the right step for you and him or her. Obviously, it is very important to think about the “Us” (i.e. the relationship) and then check it with them and whether they are comfortable with it as well. If you’re both comfortable then that is what counts and that is the right moment. Ultimately there is no one “Right” moment and anyone who tells you that is coming from their own belief system and experiences, which may or may not apply to you.

One question I would invite you to ask yourself though, is that are your intentions clean? Are you doing this to impress anyone (i.e. your friends or your date), ask for validation (from family for instance) or maybe a way to encourage your date to do the same… All these are valid human feelings for creating a sense of belonging and inclusion. But based on my experience, the cleaner the intention (i.e. just sharing love and happiness) the better the outcome of any endeavour in general.

The reason this came up as a topic for this Sunday’s journal entry is that I’m actually doing this on Friday and I am quite excited about it. I think inclusiveness/inclusion is one of my top values. Loving to share, I like to share my joy with my friends as well as with my boyfriend and I want to share my boyfriend with my friends.
Also, human connection is on top of my list and actually the centre of the new career I am working towards; this is quite an important milestone and moment for me. And I’m very grateful that I am with someone who understands this, appreciates this and is a great team player for the “Us” we are trying to build.

This does not mean that both people will always have the same pace and that if they don’t, it means you are not a match, or they do not respect you. The “Time” needs to be right for both. The “Pace” comes up at many different stages of dating and relationships.
Adjusting the pace is an art and requires good communication and awareness of the self and the other. It may be frustrating at times, can make anxious attachment style people quite anxious to have to wait for that validation or confirmation and build that emotional trust over time. This difference in pace can sometimes cause breakups (which it did for me a year ago). Ultimately you have to work at it and stay true to yourself as much as possible.

In my story, my man is slightly also on the anxious attachment side, as am I, so the pace seems to match. So looking forward to Friday’s party…

Good luck! And if this piece resonated with you, share the article with your friends.

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